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Monday, March 12, 2012

Q. Laura: Why can't they make the plans?

A: The answer is simple. Men don’t make plans because having fun on a schedule is more boring than watching women’s basketball. We make things up as we go, and are pretty easy to deal with after we get drunk. Once the magical power of booze takes over anything can happen. If men were to write out plans for a night it would be in the form of a Mad Lib, like this:
I was bored so __________ and I went to __________ to get drunk. After ________ beers, we decided to __________ at the __________. Boy, was that teacher on a field trip with fifth graders pissed off. But she had really great __________ so I grabbed one and made a _________ noise. Then we went to the bar and drank _________. I got mad because__________ so I punched a __________ in the _________. The juicehead bouncer got in my face and I __________. So we went to another dump where I saw a __________ lady sitting across the bar. I bought her a few rounds of __________ and took her to __________ where I did her __________ style until she _________*. Man I love __________ women! The next day my head felt like __________ and I threw up an entire __________. I looked at the sleeping chick drooling on my ___________ and thought, “oh __________.” So I __________ and set __________ on fire. The first chance I got I washed my dong with __________ and made a doctor’s appointment.
So , Laura you should probably just go ahead and make the plans unless you really want to be part of this shit show.

*Okay, so at this point in the story, I’ve left ________ in a __________ bar in a ___________ part of town, but that bastard once let Mormon missionaries into my house, so _________ him.

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